I wanted to take a little time and write a bit about self image, relationships, intimacy and weight. For the average person it’s easy, there may be some hesitation to engage in an intimate relationship, however there may not be the constant worry that “Oh my God” this person is going to see me naked and run screaming for the hills!
In an ideal world weight could be put aside and people could be loved for who they are, not what they look like. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world. We are socialized from a very young age that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”–it’s all about the physical right?! As a woman the media has bombarded us with images of young, stick thin models in skimpy bathing suites living it up in exotic places and they are all fawning over drop dead gorgeous men with, forget six packs, try twelve packs. This model image, as I was growing up, seemed to be what every teenage boy had in his mind. I did not fit that image.
Although not as heavy in high school and college as I am now I can not tell you how many times I have heard “you would be so hot if you just lost 5 or 10 more lbs.” Some of you reading this can’t imagine a person saying that, but those are the words that were placed in my head so long ago they’ve just stuck. Of course now it is so much worse and way more difficult to engage in a normal intimate relationship where weight is not the main focus.
It’s no surprise that overweight women suffer the most from image insecurities. A vast majority of my life I have either felt like the elephant in the room or the invisible man. Either way feeling like you are being passed up for someone or something better basically, in a probably inappropriate blog word, sucks. The character of Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh is very relatable to the way I feel at times regarding my size–“Woe is me nobody loves me.” It’s been so long since I’ve felt sexy or beautiful; I can’t even remember the last time I’ve felt comfortable in my own body. Half the time I feel trapped. I feel like there is another person in there trying to claw their way out. I have built up walls so high and so thick I refuse to communicate about my weight and its affects on those around me.
This is where I’m hoping the psychology evaluation helps, not only with my relationship towards food but with self esteem and self image. Because as an outsider it’s so easy to say that you shouldn’t have to be made to feel like less of a person because of your weight, but that is simply not the case. The world seems to take a liking to shunning and belittling the overweight. Yes I have been in relationships where everything is fine and my size seems to be overlooked just to be told down the line “I can’t be with you anymore, do you see yourself?” Of course I see myself! Just remember none of us asked to wake up suddenly 100lbs or more overweight it just seems to happen.
So I’m going to close with something I posted on my personally facebook page a few months ago:
“Let me start by saying that larger people have feelings. We are hurt by others who stare, snicker, and make rude comments. You are not inside my body or my head. You do not know how I think, where I have been or what my struggles are. And yes those that comment out of love and concern we take that to heart. Please know we are not like this because we want to be. Some of us are just trying to be happy in our skin and trying to change their life one step at time and that doesn’t happen overnight.”
