Month: March 2017

Some of you may know I love to cook—if you don’t know me I love to cook ?.  It was definitely not something I always loved to do I didn’t start cooking until I moved out and that cooking was only so-so, but since then it’s gotten way better and some would say even edible.  One of my points of depression is coming from the fact that this surgery in the beginning does not lend itself to any creative cooking.  And trust me in the very beginning I didn’t feel like doing squat.  I am now up to puréed food and have been scouring pinterest and other websites to find palatable puree recipies that hopefully I can stomach.

I haven’t eaten very much in the past couple of weeks and am getting very tired of constantly needing to sip water and get in that protein.  It is however a necessary evil.  I also initially lost 20-25 lbs within 2 weeks and now nothing, but it doing some reading this seems to be pretty normal and I think I must be loosing some inches because I need to make my fitbit tighter on my wrist so something must be going on.

Back to my cooking adventure… the dietitian that works with my surgeon of course gives you sample menues and shopping lists for each stage and I do try to incorporate those items into what I should be eating, afterall this diet is about healing not about weight loss but damn it’s the blandest thing I’ve ever eaten couple that with nothing tastes the same or as good to me right now and it makes me not want to eat.  So change number one that I made today was doing a little something different with my protein drink.  I usually mixed a scoop of chocolate protein with skim milk or almond milk in the very beginning I did water now they are making me feel ? because I’ve introduced vitamins and other meds I take.  This am I made some decaf coffee put some in my shaker bottle added a scoop of chocolate protein and a little bit of premade caramel flavored protein shake and it was quite good and definitely a change.

Yesterday I tried scrambled eggs those sat well today I tried a soft boiled egg not ok I ate 3/4 of it then got that blah I’m going to puke feeling—needless to say Bella will be a happy pup this morning she will get my leftover egg plus some unsweetened apple sauce.  She is downing it as we speak.  Later I’m planning to try some baked ricotta and a pureed bariatric soup mix we’ll see how that goes.  If I make anything fabulously good I will let you all know—happy reading!

Firstly let me just say thank you all for your very encouraging comments I really appreciate them and you all for supporting me.  There is definitely an inner loneliness factor that comes from doing this that maybe I didn’t expect.  And the psychologist that came to speak at the support group was definitely right when he said that this surgery is not going to fix the problems you had before it.  If your relationship had issues before you’ll still have issues after; if you were lost before you’ll still be lost after; if your family life was only so so before it will still be the same after.

There’s a difficulty in being home constantly with only your thoughts to occupy you.  You can excercise, walk the dog, craft your thoughts are still screaming away in your head.  For me I’ve been grasping at straws to try to keep a relationship going that just isn’t working.  I’m a nurse outside my relationship I’m tired of doing it in my relationship as well.

So these thoughts…you’re going to do a lot of thinking–I have trying to think back to when I knew exactly who I was and where I wanted to go in life; trying not to regret the possible missed opportunities that could have made my life up to this point so very different.  This isn’t just about I went to a surgeon had a consult he cut away a part of my stomach and now I’m good to go.  Hell no!  This is a search and find mission–may even be a search and rescue mission who knows I haven’t figured it out yet.

I have pictures of the way I used to look a thinner, healthier version of myself at least physically.  Mentally I was probably all over the place just like I am now.  I probably mentioned I have always had a love hate relationship with food which probably partially got me to where I am now.  Listening to boys and family and sometimes friends telling me I’m fine the way I am but I’d look so much better or hotter if I just lost 10 more lbs.  It’s on my mind a lot these days the past and how it’s all led up to this.  I chose to do this because I want to be healthy, but the little devil with the halo on wants to say hey look at me what do you think now??? Of course I’m nowhere near where I want to be weight wise because that will of course take time, but one can dream.

This surgery has caused a lot of soul searching whether I was prepared for it or not.  If you aren’t ready to dig inside yourself and find out things you may not have wanted to know, then don’t have this surgery because for me it’s taken me on a wild ride so far and at times I’d like to hit the freaking breaks.  I’ve come to terms with my former binge/fast eating habbits, the loss of those I’ve loved in the past, and the toxic people I probably shouldn’t be around.

At times I feel I’m too old for this sould searching who am I what to do I want to be crap.  I’m really not.  You’re never too old to find yourself, the only part about that is you have to admit that you were lost in the first place and I most definitely was before I ventured into having this surgery.  So I suppose I should be saying let the adventure begin because I guess that’s what life is afterall an adventure…happy reading!

2 weeks postop and I now have what I’m calling the blah factor.  I’m told lots of changes are happening in your body and you don’t even know it, well some of those changes cause me to sit here and be slightly depressed for no reason whatsoever.  I just attended a support group this pst Saturday where a psychologist spoke about “emotional pitfalls” after surgery.  Yes there are so many, but to sit here and be depressed for no good reason on a beautiful day is beyond my understanding.

I’m also dealing with being extremely thirsty no matter what or how much I drink.  Not dehydrated to my nursing knowledge and waiting for a phone call from the nutritionist.  Oh and I’m also craving salt and nothing I’m allowed to have right now is helping that at all.  A sugar free ice pop did save me from that dry mouth feeling I’ve had so I guess I will have to have more of them during the day.  The problem is that nothing is satisfying right now and I’m not sure that’s a part of the normal process or not, hence my phone call to the nutritionist.

Other things have happened over the past 2 weeks where all I have to say is make sure you have a strong support system if you choose to do this.  A fair weather support system will not work for this type of surgery.  Yes the work is all on you, but you need people to tell you you can do it, we’re proud of you and you look good.  It’s essential to your mental health.

Lastly, let me just address the question I’ve had about “well can’t I just do the diet and not have surgery.”   Well I suppose yes you could, but do I suggest that no.  First of all it is the most difficult, most unappetizing diet I’ve ever tried and I’ve tried a lot of diets.  Secondly, I’m pretty sure that the diet for someone who hasn’t had the surgery will have the yo-yo effect.  Once you drop say 20lbs it will all come back and then some after you start eating normally again.  So for me it was either commit or live with the way I was and I didn’t want to do that.  So here I am talking to you letting you know that again it’s a commitment and not a decision to make lightly.  Happy reading until my next post! ?

Post-op week one and never a dull moment.  Surgically everything went well my incisions look good, well truthfully it looks like a train ran over my stomach but I bruise very easily.  If you’re contemplating this surgery you will have five or six small incisions, the largest will be where they remove the cut portion of stomach from your abdomen.  I’m not going to tell you it’s not going to hurt because it definitely does, but the sooner you get up and get moving the better you will feel.

My one week post-op appointment was today, everything looks great he literally ripped the steri-strips off that hadn’t fallen off on their own and as I said it looks a little ugly.  On a brighter note the idea of this surgery is of course weight loss and I’ve lost 20lbs, then again I’ve had nothing but liquids and protein shakes for a week.

Part of the post op appointment is seeing the dietician and discussing the second phase of the diet.  My first phase was clear liquid the second phase is full liquid which does include some solids including applesauce, cottege cheese, sugar free pudding, yogurt and puréed soups.  So far I’ve been doing well with the clear liquids and hope to continue doing well.  If you’ve had the surgery and are frequently nauseous or vomiting on a regular basis you need to call your surgeon because there could be something wrong.  Remember when you start the second phase of your diet no startches like noodles or bread they expand in your stomach and may injure the staple line of your new pouch.  All these phases of eating aren’t about weight loss, that’s shall we say a side effect, it’s about healing your new stomach.

Lastly make sure you have a strong support system.  This is not an easy thing to go through by yourself.  I have a lot of coworkers who support me and our proud of me, and a handful of friends that get that this is not easy, but there are still some close to me who feel it’s a “quick fix” or somehow want to make it about them.  Remember this is about you, your health and getting a fresh start.  Until we meet again happy reading.

First of all let me say I mean no offense to any WWII veterans and theirs families.  So on that note my sugery was March 8th so right now I’m postop day one.

Yesterday I was petrified but honestly the CRNA shot me up with some good drugs and all I could think of was palm trees m, a hammock and beautiful man bringing something with tequilla in it.  Next thing I know I’m partially awake and in PACU.  I was barely awake when I got up to my room.  So many moons later when the anesthesia wore off I had to use the bathroom so that’s what I did with assistance.  The next time I got out bed, I did laps around the place like it was my job!  All I have to say is the more you walk the better you’ll feel.

All the staff in the hospital has been really friendly and knowledgeable, and it’s no joke that you may have to drink out of medicine cups 1 every 15 min.  Before you can do that you need to have a swallow study which is an xray where you swallow small amounts of contrast and they look at your staple line to make sure nothing is leaking.  After that you’re home free to start drinking out of those med cups and you’ll need them because my throat feels like it’s on fire most likely from intubation during the surgery.

If you’re planning on sleeping in the hospital forget it.  You’ll have people coming in to take vitals and management doing rounds, plus nurses doing their assessments and passing meds, even in the middle of the night.

This is my job in the hospital which is walking and drinking out of medicine cups and more walking.  Like I said the sleep you’ll get while here is limited so try your best.  More to come soon, happy reading!

 

The title of this post is not very encouraging I know, however this has been my life for two weeks while approaching my surgery date.  Not only has the diet been extremely difficult, but dealing with last minute mix ups has also been super stressful.

So let me tell you a little bit about this diet…I’m not going to lie it’s mostly liquid and some of the sample combinations you can eat during the day are rather unappetizing.  For example I don’t eat my oatmeal with a glass of tomato juice.  The items included in my diet are things like applesauce, sugar free jello and pudding, tamato juice, oatmeal, and of course protein shakes.  I also need to intake 64oz of water/ sugar free/caffeine free beverages a day.  Can I tell you that nursing and going to the bathroom every 5 min just doesn’t mix.  May as well stick a foley catheter in me and call it a day!  The diet creators have granted a kindness by including a small salad with non starchy vegetables, fat free salad dressing and baked chichen or fish. Trust me its not much and the temptation is definitely real.

Why is all this torture required?? Well every surgeon is different but it is all designed to shrink your liver presurgery and make it easier to get to your stomach.  The liver really is one of our most amazing organs if it’s not too far gone it can regenerate itself if need be, but it also can accumulate fat on it over the years especially in overweight and obese people and this can lead to liver failure.  I was diagnosed with fatty liver a few lighter years ago and have been struggling with weight ever since, so hopefully this will improve the health of my liver greatly.

The question I keep recieving is “Are you scared?”  I want to say what the hell kind of question is that??! I’m f…king petrified!  I keep telling myself it’s an hour/hour and a half out of my life that will change the rest of my whole life for the better.  Surgery is Wednesday, clear liquids and parents on Tuesday…happy reading talk to yo all soon!