“Addiction” is everywhere, all over the tv, the radio, plastered to bill boards and you may ask yourself “what does this have to do with a woman who blogs about her life with a gastric sleeve.” Well it has everything to do with it. I would not have gotten this way if I didn’t have my demons.
The dictionary definition of addiction is “the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
Devotion to, dedication to, obsession with, infatuation with, passion for, love of, mania for, enslavement to.” That being said food can be just as devastating an issue as alcohol and drugs. Many of you reading this already know me on a personal level and know there are addiction demons in my family. Recently I had to shall we say “adult up” and take care of my father who was in the hospital for a week because of his demons. I’m pretty sure no one in my family wants to discuss this publicly, but I’m far from ashamed. Over the course of the past week I discovered through my aunt, my dad’s younger sister that not only was she an alcoholic but so is my father’s older sister; not to mention the reason they never saw any of my Grandpa’s family as kids was because they were all alcoholics. Talking to my father about this I told him flat out he needed help and that my demons weren’t alcohol and drugs, but food and I’ve tried so hard to deal with that.
My surgery was definitely a way for me to conquer these demons that seem to plague at least one side of my family. Food addiction is a very real thing. Eating is the only thing you have control of and the food must have a chemical effect on the brain that makes you feel better. The only problem is that in making yourself feel better you could slowly be killing yourself just like any other drug or alcohol addiction.
I may have mentioned before that I was a closet binge eater. I would just mindlessly eat and then consciously fast over feeling guilty that I’d just stuffed myself to the point of bursting. While I was eating it really was “mindless,” just this incredible numbness where I didn’t have to think about any of the crap I was dealing with. It was the same feeling I have when I’m getting tattooed I just go somewhere else I don’t concentrate on the pain or the noise, I honestly don’t feel anything my eyes are closed and I’m just in this blank peaceful place. Only thing is that peaceful place with eating was making my life crazy difficult.
So what’s the purpose of me writing this little blurb? I’m not sure myself, maybe it’s my form or therapy. Maybe it’s my way of justifying the behavior that leads to addiction I really don’t know, but happy reading and feel free to share any comments you may have. ?
I think it is great that you are so forth coming. It is time for people to be open about addiction. We should not be ashamed because this is an illness such as diabetes, thyroid disease , mental illness, etc. As
you know, my whole family is full of alcoholics and other mental diseases but I love them all anyway because it is only a part of who they were or are.
I’m with you. I don’t think it should be something to be ashamed of or locked up and put in a closet so to speak.