Don’t take the title too seriously folks! I’m starting this post with a disclaimer and excusing myself ahead of time for my slightly off, a little raunchy, and highly sarcastic brand of humor. It is what has gotten me through life since I expanded my vocabulary beyond one syllable words. Without it I most certainly would not be the lovable person I am today! ?
So here is my list of “hazards” at almost four months out and 50+ lbs down:
You will discover room in your pants, which quite possibly you could fit another person in. I can already fit myself into one leg of my pj pants up to mid thigh! ?
The seatbelt is not trying to kill you any longer. I know mine is no longer trying to strangle me when I drive.
You may discover, if you are female and like to free the tatas every once in awhile, that cooking can become a hazard. Ladies there will now be two individual breasts, you will have space between your cleavage. This my friends can mean that if you are tasting hot Spanich rice to make sure you got the flavor right it could fall into that space and give you two small 2nd degree burns. Yes this is a true hazard and no I couldn’t make that up if I tried, but yeah it’s pretty damn funny!
You will rediscover body parts you may not have seen in awhile and it may not be pretty. Never fear this will get better I promise you will not faint when you look in the mirror.
Holy self esteem Batman!!! This will increase tremendously.
Do not be afraid to take flight with the bat wings you’ll probably have under your arms. Love them, embrace them, work them out to death and they will probably slowly disappear to maybe hummingbird wings.
There will be more room in the shower for naughty things ? Couple that with having incredible sex and I think your set for life!
Your energy levels will be crazy! Some days you’ll feel like a super hero on steroids!!!
The biggest thing is everything just feels easier. All those daily functions of life don’t feel like such a chore anymore.
Now I could probably go on forever with this list, but I think I’ve subjected you to enough. Hope you enjoy—happy reading.
