A Public Service Announcement…

Hi all today’s topic is not something I normally talk about, but in light of the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I feel the need as a human being and a healthcare professional to discuss depression and suicide.  Depression is way more common than anyone realizes.  I’m pretty sure I have battled, as have many of us, some form of it for years although mine is nothing compared to what plagues some people.  Let’s start with the basics what is depression?  According to the Mayo Clinic depression is a mood disorder causing persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest.  “Clinical depression” or “Major depressive disorder” affects how one thinks, feels and behaves and can lead to many types of emotional and physical issues.  Many people who suffer from depression have feelings of hopelessness and that life is not worth living.

Many eating disorders and body image disorders go hand in hand with depression.  As per the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) 50-75% of eating disorder patients (anorexia and bulimia) experience depression.  In fact one of the many symptoms of depression deals with weight gain and weight loss as well as increased or decreased appetite.  In my own bought with depression in my early 20s I remember never wanting to get out of bed.  I didn’t want to do anything, but at the same time I didn’t want anyone knowing that I may have a problem.  I was attending Montclair State University and I had early classes so I would literally drag my ass out of bed, and put on the act that I was going to class because both my parents would still be home when I left.  All I wanted to do was eat so I’d stop somewhere and pick something up to eat sit in the park and then go right home after that and inevitably miss a whole day’s worth of class.  I’d go home and pretty much spend the rest of the day eating and sleeping.  I honestly had no interest in doing much of anything at all.  And there would be times I would question my purpose for being here and times I would think maybe the world would be better off if I didn’t exist.  I don’t know what happened to cause me to look at things in a different light, as depression is not something you can just “snap out of.”  I did and still do have some good friends who were basically like WTF so I suppose a good support system in the sense was probably what caused me to feel not so despondent.  Jump to more recently during my presurgical psychological evaluation the psychologist said to me “you probably have some mild depression and if you are still feeling this way after surgery you may want to come back and see me.”  I never said much to this man so I don’t know how he diagnosed me with “mild depression” but I do believe he’s probably right although post surgery I’ve been feeling 100% better about myself so that’s helped the mood greatly.

And what’s with all the suicides lately?  Unfortunately the reality is that many people do not seek treatment, nor do they recognize they may need help.  The National Institute of  Mental Health lists some shocking statistics from the CDC’s (Centers for Disease Control) “WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports” for 2016, they are as follows:

“Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of nearly 45,000 people.”

“Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35-54.”

“There were more than twice as many suicides (44,965) in the United States as there were homicides (19,362).”

This last stat was the most shocking to me.  I know some of my sarcasm and humor is in poor taste so please forgive but what the heck we’re offing ourselves faster than other people are offing us and for what a lack of recognition of a greater problem.  People are suffering in silence and we as a population need to get with and not live our lives with blinders on.

Here’s some signs and symptoms to look out for regarding depression and suicide according to the Mayo Clinic:

Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, or hopelessness, along with feelings of worthlessness and guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame.

Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness as well as lack of sleep or sleeping too much.

Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased appetite or cravings for food and weight gain.

Lastly, frequent and recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts and/or attempts.

The above is just a short list of symptoms/warning signs for depression/suicide.  At this point you may be thinking “well what can I do if I need help or I know someone that may need help?”  First of all if you know someone who needs help and they want to talk listen to what they have to say.  I know for some people this can be difficult but just shut up and listen! After you listen let them know there are other places to turn to like the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline those people are professional listeners and I will list their phone number along with some other helpful links at the end of my post.

Finally I’m going to leave you with a story…I had a friend who fell stupidly and deeply in love with a man who definitely had a broken heart.  He had two small children from a previous relationship with a woman who past away.  We won’t get into how she past away it was just a sudden unexpected illness that somehow he blamed himself for.  He spoke to her a lot about it over the course of their relationship and she knew the mother of his children was definitely on a pedestal that she would never be tall enough to reach.  However when he said he wanted to marry her she accepted and she was thrilled, elated even the world was an amazing place for her to be in at that moment.  She just didn’t see it, his internal strife, the wound that had festered in his soul until he just couldn’t take it anymore.  She knew he blamed himself for his previous girlfriend’s death, she just didn’t know how much until one day she got an IM from his brother (yes this was back in the day) saying that he was missing and they found his truck but didn’t know where he was.  They eventually found him, he’d decided to just give up and shot himself out in nature where he liked to be.  And naturally my friend was devastated and to this day she blames herself for not recognizing his pain and wishes she had known about what I just told you all about.

Here’s a list of websites and phone numbers that may be helpful to you or someone you know that may be in need:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

The Mayo Clinic: www.mayoclinic.org (you can look up just about anything that ails you here.)

Suicide Prevention Resource Center: www.sprc.org

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA):

www. dpsalliance.org

National Mental Health Institution:

www.nimh.nih.gov

 

 

 

Reunion

Hi all! A few days ago I had the pleasure of attending my nursing school alumni luncheon.  Honestly, I haven’t been to many this is maybe my 3rd since graduating, but it was my classes 10 yr reunion so naturally I had to go.  Yes I’m old I’ve been a nurse for 10 yrs! 😜.  In truth I was on the fence about going, but I put on my sexy pants, got up off my sofa and went.  I’m glad I did because where else would I get a chance to wear these pants and they’re fabulous by the way with a slit up the side that stops right above the knee.  Previous to my surgery never in a million years would I have worn pants like that or even paired a tank top with them, but I did and it looked great.

In all honestly everyone looked great, and I definitely went to school with a great group of people.  One of my former classmates also recently had gastric sleeve surgery, she told me she was 6 months out she looked amazing.  I was told I shouldn’t be too down on myself, but I can’t always help that.  Years of looking a certain way does something to a person.  In any case, the reunion was a good time everyone looked great and I got a boost to myself esteem.

On the exercise front I’ve started going to the Y I haven’t been going very long, but I make it a point to go every day I have off.  The scale hasn’t moved much, I just keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat.  Until next time, happy reading!

Dietland…

Hi all!! So AMC has this new show called Dietland based on the book by Sarai Walker.  I have not read the book, but the pilot episode…amazing!  I’m sure the book is just as stellar and one I’m putting on my list for sure.  Plum is like many “fat” women, and like me she says it’s ok she can call herself that.  Needless to say I can definitely relate to almost all the things she says and feels, and this is just the first episode.

“Doesn’t anyone tell you that you’re beautiful just as you are?”  Julia says this to Plum as she is applying lipstick and blush to Plum’s face and I’m sitting on the couch with my pooch, tears in my eyes shaking my head NO…  And this has been my experience for many years.  I was always the go to person for advice, or the girl to hook up with on the side, but never the girl to take home to mommy and daddy.  I know exactly how Plum feels when she speaks with the detective in the waiting area of her employer and he’s basically schmoozing her, and says almost exactly that she knows men like him will sleep with women like her, but will marry women like Kitty.  Kitty, her boss, of course is a tall super skinny flawless woman, who is cold as ice with very little going on upstairs.  Plum’s job is to be the voice of Kitty, she answers letter’s to the editor and does most of her work from home.  She is even offered to cover a plus size fashion show, but would not be allowed to attend the show watching it on Facebook Live instead, while one of the other magazine’s employees would go just to be a face.

Unlike Plum, I have not been heavy my entire life as you know if you’ve read past posts.  I do not know what it’s like to be ostracized by your peers at least where issues of weight are concerned.  I can empathize as I was teased and bullied regarding other things.  If you watch the show the beginning episodes do let you know that Plum is trying to save money for and loose weight before having intended weight loss surgery.  Her one friend and her mother seem to be very against it stated they hear things like it’s dangerous and “can’t you just be happy with what God gave you?”  She also goes to meetings similar to Weight Watchers, except these are called “Waist Watcher” meetings and struggles with health insurance and debt issues due to her medical care.

The reason this show is excellent is that it doesn’t just have to do with fat women, it has to do with all women.  There are a group of women in this show who are about empowerment.  Who want to make those of us who feel oppressed by society and women like Kitty come into ourselves and blossom and have society see us as just as important as the size 2 models and superstar actresses of the world.  This group wants those of us who see ourselves as nothing and nobodies to know that we are somebodies and we are important.

My recommendation is watch the show, read the book know that you are not alone in how you view the world and how the world views you, but do not let it change your decision or your attitude on whether or not surgery is the best option for you.  However you decide to loose your weight, loose it for the sake of it making you healthier on the inside and out.  Loose it for you, not because you mother, sister, brother, husband or best friend wants you to.  Loose it because if you don’t it very well could kill you sooner rather than later.  Loose it because in the long run whether it’s a loss of 5lbs or 500lbs I promise you, you feel all the better for it.  Happy reading everyone until next time!!!